For or Against: Small Talk
You can always talk about aliens.
When people say they hate small talk, I think what they often mean is they hate feeling bored while talking to people they don’t know well about subjects neither of them care much about. Which: Nobody enjoys that! It just kind of happens because people steer into the same conversational grooves that have been worn down by thousand of years of socializing, and then you’re thinking Aaah why are we talking about this and your friend’s co-worker’s boyfriend is thinking Help me and the cat who lives in the apartment is thinking What if I knock over this glass of red wine onto the carpet, which is honestly a welcome distraction, thank you cat. (In this scenario, it’s not your carpet.)
But I think small talk can be really fun if you’re willing to create a desire path away from work and weather and dating apps and other well-worn subjects. It’s a chance to find out what’s going on in other people’s heads and distract yourself from your own head, with which you’re probably all too familiar. So for those heading to a New Year’s party or other upcoming social gatherings filled with friends and acquaintances and whoevers, here is a topic starter pack. What would you add?
12 things to talk about at parties
What do you think is going on with the New Jersey drones? Did people just forget what airplanes look like? Is it like when everyone started spotting killer clowns everywhere?
Do you believe in aliens? What do you think they’d look like? Would they be friendly or hostile? Would we know them if we saw them? Have you read The Three-Body Problem?
What movie from your childhood or adolescence do you still quote (or think of quotes from) all the time? Courtesy of my friend Kira, who also suggested the idea for this post.
Which three dead historical figures do you think are the hottest? Obviously Keats but who else?
If you could have any job and salary was no object (but you still had to work), what would you do? If your answer is whatever you do right now, make up something else anyway or everyone at the party will secretly resent you.
Do you have any enemies? This is a question that one of my coworkers introduced at a meeting and it spawned a thousand side-Slacks.
Imagine you’re a character in a movie. What song do you want to play when you’re first introduced onscreen? I recently realized that Missy Elliot’s “Pass That Dutch” plays in Mean Girls when the Plastics are introduced and in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen when Megan Fox’s character is introduced, and honestly who wouldn’t want that beat backing them up?
What classic book and/or movie do you think is overrated? And do classics get too much cultural deference just because they’re old?
What’s one problem you would immediately start trying to fix if you were elected president? This could get heated if you’re not sure about the political company you’re in, so wield with caution.
Does hard work pay off? This question can take the conversation in a lot of different directions — personal, philosophical, what does ‘paying off’ even mean, etc. — and it reveals a lot about how people see the world.
Are you scared of AI or excited about it? Or do you think it’s not as big a deal as everyone’s making it out to be, like how Mark Zuckerberg tricked people into thinking the future of work was going to be holding legless meetings in the Metaverse?
Did you know bumblebees do a waggle dance to give each other directions? And can you do a waggle dance to tell me where the bathroom/coat closet/nearest subway station is? This is good if you want to leave the conversation or party, but in a funny way. Also, I once went to a party where my friend did an impression of a bumblebee waggle dance, and I still laugh when I think about it.